Tie Dye

This again? Really? Well, sure. It’s got a late ‘10s twist on it, with streetwise layering and minimalist blocking and yada yada. But here’s the real lowdown on styling the colouration technique most comparable to a no-good sibling who rocks up every twelve years or so to borrow money before disappearing once more: in 2019, it must be worn with a splash of amnesia around how much you loathed it a mere solar rotation back.

Hey, you’re a carefree flower child with an urbane sense of rebellion. I get it. You’ve always been like this, haven’t you? You certainly don’t have a Michael Kors bag stuffed in your wardrobe behind several neon bandage dresses and a pair of transparent plastic platform sandals. You’ve found transcendence in an electric guitar solo and you know your fava bean tempeh from your symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeast. That’s you in a nutshell… right?

Look, playing dress-ups is fun, and we all do it to a greater or lesser extent. Just stop kidding yourself that you’re some kind of Janis Joplin/Kurt Cobain/ironic activist mash up. You’re every bit as much of a trend-loving schmuck as the rest of us.