Q: What’s going on here?

A: Oh, this old thing? It’s where we compile the latest trends for your viewing pleasure, public disdain and private confusion, and feed your antisocial need to beat everyone to the punch.

Q: What makes a fashion trend?

A: We’re gonna say it: mass saturation. Now, don’t look at us like that. This is the secret, people. If something is qualifies as a trend, you can bet your bottom dollar it’s not worth any true fashionista’s hard-earned bucks.

Honestly, it’s not rocket science. That’s really all there is to it. Don’t believe us? That’s great. Take the idea for a spin yourself. Undertake lab-controlled testing, for all we care.

Q: So, uh… how does one do fashion, if not by adopting trends?

A: When in doubt, use this easy step-by-step procedure. Grab a trend you like, cut it open, turn it inside out, graft it with something from 15 years ago and slap on a bit of zeitgeist. Next, step out owning that innovation like you’re Dr Frankenstein (you might end up roaming the Arctic with a broken heart, but hey, that’s the risk you run).

This is how trends get started. Basically, it’s a cannibalistic game. Get amongst it.

Q: What do I do with this information?

A: Look, we’re not here to tell you what not to wear. We’re just here to tell you what you won’t be wearing six months from now. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Q: Is this site satirical?

A: If you need to ask this question, you’re doing it wrong.