Poetic Cooling

If 27 years of life have taught me anything, it’s that most poetry sucks. Not all of it; just a vast majority. It’s a way of bending the rules of the English language in a way that obscures meaning, then pretending that makes you deep for some reason. No, you do NOT get artistic props …

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What a Boar

I’m nothing special. In fact…I’m a bit of a boar. I expect the spell to wear off in the next couple of hours, but for now, I just need to sit here thinking about where that magical duel went wrong. I may also plot my revenge, depending on how long it takes the transfiguration enchantment …

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Bowled Over

What’s the ultimate Christmas party look? Speaking from experience, I’d say the answer is ‘not a leg brace’. You can have the most of-the-moment, nonchalant-chic outfit around, but it’s nothing if it doesn’t have matching heels fit for the red carpet. A leg brace, as I discovered, will interfere with that.  It’s a catch 22 …

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Going Deep

Now’s the time to get a boat, I’ve decided. I’ve always thought it might be a good idea – you never know when a flood’s going to strike up and wash away all worldly possessions while also leaving you without a means of transport. That might sound bleak, but I’m just saying that boat skills …

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The Impossible Project

First they’re bringing back Church Park, and now the Keymore Mansion…again. Throwback, much? Also, people have tried like a dozen times to make something of the Keymore Mansion, and they’ve always been scared off, either by the tentacle monster in the basement or the spooky little girl in the red dress. And sometimes the oozing …

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Car-mic Retribution

While I don’t necessarily buy into the concept of karma, I can’t help but feel I’ve accumulated some bad debts in the vehicular department. I just can’t seem to get a break when it comes to owning a car, no matter how meticulously I take care of the details. It’s like I’m somehow destined to …

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Barefoot and Fancy Free

The moment exams are over, I’m off. I can’t believe I’ve managed to get through thirteen years of school, and just two more essays stand between me and doing whatever I want 24/7, for the rest of my life. I can smell the exhilarating air of freedom already! The first thing I’m going to do …

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Clickbait Trauma

I think that anything can be a viral hit. It’s a random process, lightning that you can’t trap in a bottle. It rains down and strikes one random video every now and then, and suddenly one grouchy cat is making millions. And then you go to Me-Straw, there’s a new video from Tabby Crawshaw, and …

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Fragrant Bathtime

Summer is here, and that means I’m getting to urge to go for a dip in a flower bath. When you’re quite disgustingly rich, like I am, you do get these sorts of urges. Last year I just got a strange craving to fill up the pool with begonias and go for a swim. No …

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Idea Vs Reality

Remember when you were a kid, and you dreamed of having a glossy private office in a skyscraper? You know: the giant mahogany desk, the extravagant decor, and the mid-century couch with marble-topped coffee table for guests. I don’t know who these guests in question were supposed to be, but presumably that were there to …

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