Bowled Over

What’s the ultimate Christmas party look? Speaking from experience, I’d say the answer is ‘not a leg brace’. You can have the most of-the-moment, nonchalant-chic outfit around, but it’s nothing if it doesn’t have matching heels fit for the red carpet. A leg brace, as I discovered, will interfere with that. 

It’s a catch 22 if ever I saw one. You either wear the painfully mundane, sensible shoes and fail to hit the mark, or you wear the outrageously special party shoes and end up in a leg brace – which, as I’ve said, is not what you want either. My friends keep telling me there’s a middle ground, that impractical shoes aren’t strictly necessary, and that there’s more to style than heels. But in my heart, I know they’re wrong, and I’m sure they know that as well as I do. 

That applies for any event, even if it’s ‘just’ casual work drinks at the local bar in Highett. Podiatry clinics will tell you just the opposite – that it’s not worth rolling your ankle trying to play lawn bowls in ankle-strap platform mules. But it was worth it. You’d agree if you’d seen how green Sandra was when she saw them. That’ll teach her to carry on about her new Honda… who needs a Honda when you’ve got Lou Boutins? 

Regardless, I’ve wound up with a need for foot care products. Cheltenham podiatrists saw me coming, evidently – they’re stocked to the rafters with all manner of splints, straps, tapes and supports. Closed-toe heels it is, then… but for the moment, I’m stuck in this leg brace for the coming season of Christmas parties, which means no heels to speak of. Was it worth it for that one moment of seeing Sandra’s face out of the corner of my eye, as I lunged forward with the bowling ball? I’d say… maybe. It would have been more worthwhile if the shoes in question were even more extreme. These ones were actually fairly sensible, by my standards.

It was a graceful moment, at least until I ungracefully lost my balance, which I wouldn’t have done if Bilson hadn’t sauntered into my line of vision just as I was savouring Sandra’s expression.