Oh, thank the many gods of the Forgotten Lands that my air conditioner has been repaired! Finally, I can return to writing my masterpiece, The Figgle McWiggle Chronicles: Figgle McWiggle and the World’s Largest Block of Ice! It’s book five of my unpublished epic fantasy series, and it’s currently eight hundred and seventy-nine thousand words long. Right now, I’m writing the climactic final battle between Figgle McWiggle and Garthablog, Ruler of the Underworld.
I must say, it’s nice to have a cool writing room again. I couldn’t concentrate before, always wondering where I could get the best air conditioning repairs in Sydney. The summer heat of Australia was getting to me, and I think it was impacting my writing. I went back and looked at the previous chapter I wrote, and it was some nonsense about Figgle McWiggle’s real father being the demon lord he wanted to destroy, which explained the wacky amount of powers he had gained over the last five books. But that doesn’t make sense. I want my reader to not understand where the protagonist got his powers. And I certainly wouldn’t do something as cliche as his father being the villain. I have tastes, and am trying to write a subversive epic here.
In my notes I found something odd as well. Figgle McWiggle travels to Earth and searches for Sydney’s most reliable air conditioning service after the world’s largest block of ice turns out to be made of cardboard. I don’t want to make fun of myself, but that’s such a terrible idea. Figgle McWiggle isn’t going to travel to Earth until the thirteenth book, at least. It will be part of the epic quest for the box that controls the internet, which rests on top of Big Ben and is guarded by the Elders of the Internet. I am looking forward to that sub-plot, but I can’t be getting ahead of myself yet.