Miniature Sunglasses

Yeah, yeah. The 90s and early 00s are back with a vengeance. Whatever. Given that this has been on the build for the better part of the 2010s, we have to assume that you know the drill by now: dig up some of that Mary-Kate and Ashley business you loved to rip on when you were 14, reminisce inaccurately about how fashion-forward your generation was during your formative years, and tie it all up with a trip to the mall that sees you acting out your repressed liking for miniature accessories. Or is it an artificially implanted memory of liking them? Who can say?

You know what I’m talking about: carry cases designed to tote a single cola-flavoured lip balm on your keyring, vinyl bowling bags with space for about one tenth of a bowling ball, and dangerous sunglasses that do virtually nothing for the Wrap segment of Slip, Slop, Slap, Wrap. If anything, those sunnies are worse than none at all on that score, because they trick your mind into thinking you’re doing something about UV protection. Yes, we know the Wrap part was added on later; that doesn’t mean you can sneak your oversight by us. Unlike yours, our vision isn’t slowly degenerating – at least, not for the second time around.