Satin Cargo Pants

Forget the 90s craze. We’re onto the 00s now; keep up.

Now, here’s the critical question: how old were you in 2001? If you were between the ages of 11 and 23, you’re roughly eligible to wax nostalgic about the early 00s as a formative time in your personal development. If not, you are ill-equipped to make informed decisions pertaining to satin ‘cargo’ pants. The inverted commas are to denote that it’s impossible to carry much in the way of cargo in said pants. You’d know this all too well if you’d been there in 2001, which I’m willing to bet you weren’t if you have any interest in sporting this nonsense.

Look, I understand entirely. In 2001, I was mad about alleged 1980s throwbacks that I missed entirely the first time around, having been born just as that decade was on its way out. Despite my mother’s better judgement, I kitted myself out in novelty plastic jewellery, pointy toed pumps, and fingerless net gloves in a variety of UV-reactive colours.

In retrospect, I can see how trying this must have been for those more than a decade my senior, who had the dubious honour of experiencing these trinkets first hand only to see them ham-fistedly rehashed 15 years later. Then again, there’s a strong argument the 80s were rehashing the 60s, which were rehashing the 40s, which were rehashing the 20s… you get my drift.

I’m not altogether sure of precisely where satin cargo pants fit into this picture. Point is, you’re not original and you have no idea what you’re doing.