Seals in Orthoheels

Ocean. It’s full of drama, I guess, but I clearly remember the very first time I ever watched Week of Our Lives. I was trying to feed the baby as a new mum, not doing a good job of it, and I was lucky enough to tune in during the legendary storyline in which Jacinta found out that her DNA had been spliced with that of a raccoon, explaining her compulsive habit of stealing things from people’s bins. The story went for six whole weeks, but I was hooked in the space of a single scene.

Sails of Our Lives just doesn’t have that going on. Maybe it’s the writing team? Someone one there is just really into orthotics, because Hester used to fit children’s orthotics near Cheltenham and her story-line about trying to make custom orthotics out of sea sponges has been going on for a frightening length of time. I think maybe four episodes ago everyone started to get foot problems, and Hester made a bold announcement that echoed across the small fleet, saying that she was going to create custom orthotics for everyone and it was going to be super great. SO drama. Especially when she went a little off the deep end (ha ha) and said that she had a duty to craft comfortable footwear for every single shark, seal and octopus they encounter.

That was a while ago now. They keep cutting back to these slow scenes where she’s using sea sponge to make shoe inserts, someone comes in and asks how it’s going, they get into an argument…rinse and repeat. Sometimes Hester tries making tennis shoes for sharks, or medically-verified evening footwear for harp seals, but she always gives up. I think they might have written themselves into a corner by saying the series will take place entirely at sea, with just a small set of boats. They maybe need to get a bit wackier, say…have them touch down on a floating village, or go scuba diving for supplies, or…ooh, find a ghost ship and explore! 

Golly, I could do the writing for this series. Orthoheel sandals are nice, but only in moderation. They’re not exactly prime writing material for a dramatic soap opera.