The Transfer Queen

Colleen is just the absolute, complete and total worst. One day she will ascend the slopes of Mount Unbearable, take her place on the Throne of No-Social-Skills, and be crowned the Worst Ever, Queen of All Living People Who Make You Want to Knock Their Teeth Out.

If Colleen was in an office, she would be the one who steals your lunch and keeps taking your parking space, and this is why you don’t have any friends, Colleen.

No one cares that your career test results said that you would be an expert in doing property transfers in Melbourne, because anyone can be an expert in anything. I’m not dissing the noble profession of conveyancing and title transfers and whatnot, but I AM dissing whoever came up with these career tests, because they are 10,000% wrong. Mine said that I had the aptitude to be a successful air stewardess, and like…first, they don’t call them that any more. Second, I hate flying. I get the worst travel sickness and I’d just be hurling all over the passengers, so the stupid test is wrong. Stupid test.

And saying that Colleen would make a good conveyancing professional? She can’t even find Melbourne on a map, and we LIVE here. Imagine her sitting at a desk with some people who need to move into a house, and she’s trying to sift through her notes and they all fall on the ground because she’s so clumsy, and then those people end up moving into the wrong house. They complain to the housing commission but they have a firm ‘no-take-backs’ policy, so Colleen has now ruined the lives of an innocent family because of being a total klutz who drags everyone down with her presence.

Leave the conveyancing companies in Melbourne to themselves, Colleen, and do something more suited to your talents. Like…handing out leaflets at a train station. Or maybe you could be one of those people who ‘starts their own business’ selling makeup at parties. Her approval can’t sink any lower.

-Tressa